An Impractical Phobia

I'm going to open up about something here that I don't normally admit to people: I am absolutely, 100% terrified of, and disgusted by, blood tests and all forms of needles used for medical purposes. Whew.

Okay, now you think I'm the world's biggest crybaby. It's cool, I get it. I don't take offense. You may also be wondering why I specified "needles for medical purposes." Well, that's because anyone who knows me also knows that I at one point had 13 piercings (down to 10 now) and that I also have a very large tattoo on my left foot (which was an excruciating type of pain, I might add). These body modifications did not faze me one bit. My reasoning for this unreasonable logic is that I was voluntarily subjecting myself to that madness for the purpose of art. Blood tests and vaccines are not voluntary. Nor pleasant. Nor artistic.

My fear probably has something to do with the traumatizing blood test I had done at age 12. I guess the lab tech's comment about how her eye doctor had accidentally switched her contact prescription didn't register with my mother. Prior to this debacle, I had no fear of any sort of needle. I suppose multiple stabs, twisting needles and fainting tend to cause irrational fears. For someone like me, a phobia of needles is quite impractical. I have to get blood work done every three months so that my Rheumatologist can track how well my medication is working and make sure my internal organs aren't showing signs of damage. 

This morning I had to get blood work done. The same lab tech takes my blood each time, and he's aware of my fear (probably from all of the sweating and shaking, and probably also from the fact that I refuse to watch). He tries to tease me. "Well Miss Pierce, at least you never have to worry about becoming a heroin addict" or "You better be nice to me, otherwise I'll use a bigger needle." Humor definitely helps calm me down. It also helps to know that he's aware my veins are hard to find, that he could only draw blood from my right arm, and that he needs to use a butterfly needle to do so. That sort of trust will help you conquer phobias.

Since I'll be getting jabbed with a needle every three months until the day I die, I know I eventually need to suck it up and get over my fear completely. Maybe a few more blood tests that go smoothly will help. Today I wasn't shaking as much as usual, and I did attempt to glance down at the blood being drawn. It's a good day and a small victory I'm proud of.