Meditative Moments

I admit to having a love-hate relationship with technology. Don't get me wrong, in some ways all of these technological advancements are a blessing. I have a wealth of RA information at my fingertips at all times. That numbness and tingling I'm feeling in my fingers? I can find a reason for it on Google. It was an Amazon search that introduced me to my favorite pen, which makes it possible for me to write again. On the days that it hurts too much to type I can just talk to my computer as I would if it was my best friend. My computer in turn will write my 8 page History paper for me. Technology rocks sometimes.

But as much as computers help a person like me to function, there's a dark side. It's easy to become overwhelmed by the plethora of information out there. This isn't helpful for a person has anxiety issues, especially when some health websites can convince you that you stomach ache is a sign of cancer. Social media is distracting and often prevents me from getting any writing done. One of my recent observations is that social media websites often lead people to feel bad about themselves. Admit it- one of your classmates from high school recently posted about a really cool new "grown up" job she just got, and you sat there thinking about how you'll never live up to that, or how you're a failure because you still work at a movie theater sweeping up popcorn.

This weekend I decided to experiment with a technology cleanse, similar to the way those health nuts do colon cleanses every other week. I shut the computer off. Threw the tablet in a drawer. I didn't reach for the TV remote or my iPod. I settled on the couch this armed only with my favorite pen and a notebook. If it had been dark out, I might have gone so far as to attempt to write by candlelight, since that's something I always said I wanted to try.

For once in my life, it was like the clouds had parted to allow a beam of light to hit me. The RA brain fog (which is a real thing!) that perpetually haunts took a back seat to my creativity. I wrote uninhibited, without stopping to check Facebook or to over think my sentences. I didn't stop to delete, rewrite, or censor my ideas. I wrote as fast as my shaky, arthritic hands would allow. Most importantly, I was calm. There was no anxiety to be perfect on the first try. There was no hesitation. There's something meditative about being able to turn off the world and focus on the moment. I was able to relax and just focus on my writing. I didn't have to worry about what was going on around me.

I learned a valuable lesson from shutting off all of my electronics. When a person has RA, they sometimes forget how important it is to take the time to back away from the world and center themselves. The more centered I am, the better I work. That's part of the reason why I put a technology ban in place to write this post. As ironic as this is, I think I'm going to start writing all of my blog posts offline.

Stressed

We all have had that week. That week when nothing seems to be going right. I'm convinced that we all take turns having it, and mine just happened to be this past one. Why, you ask?

10 page paper. History presentation. Poetry assignments for my portfolio. 1,000 pages of reading (okay, maybe just 100, but it was written in Middle English which makes it feel like 1,000). 30 hour work week. Incompetent people. Sleepless nights. You get the point.

Stress isn't healthy for anyone, and I don't need a medical degree to tell you that. It takes a bigger toll on our bodies than we think. Before getting diagnosed, I ignored my body's warning signs all the time. I would just keep going and going and going until eventually I needed to spend an entire Saturday sleeping to recuperate, or until I got so sick that I was forced to stay in bed. I needed to be Superwoman. I can't do that anymore for a variety of reasons. For one, any type of stress will trigger a painful flareup. It's harder to get stuff done under pressure when you're finding it difficult to move comfortably. But then there's the fatigue, the chest pains, the swollen ankles, and a variety of other not so healthy symptoms. When I'm stressed I also tend to reach for sugar and carbs, both of which trigger inflammation (and weight gain).

Take my advice. Whether you have an autoimmune disease or not, slow down. Don't feel guilty about sitting in front of the TV watching the Home Shopping Network for 3 hours. Or for giving yourself an entire homework-free weekend just to catch up on some crafting (I confess to doing both, with the exception of this blog post).

If having RA has taught me anything, it's that I need to take advantage of "me" time, build my strength up, and just enjoy doing the things I love with the people I love. Life is too short to be stressed out all of the time, and we all absolutely take life for granted. There's always that chance that 20 years from now I won't have use of my hands, or I'll be in a wheelchair. It sucks, but that's my reality. So if I feel like going for a walk or taking an online crafting class instead of going the extra mile with my school work, you can bet I'm going to ignore the homework.